I started my blog relatively recently however the people who have been the most encouraging have been at it for considerably longer and have a clear purpose. I’m still looking for mine . . . here with this blog and life in general.
One of the blogs I visit regularly is that of Quinn McDonald. The people who comment regularly give almost as many thought-provoking contributions as the posts themselves and appear to be a cross-section of people, all of whom seem to want to live more satisfying and creative lives. My contributions are sometimes stream of consciousness rants and when Quinn suggested one as a guest post I was extremely flattered and, rather than procrastinate about it, the next time I had something to rabbit on about I sent it through to her. I was thinking about all the poor choices I do, all the automatic, thoughtless habits, that stop me from doing and being the best me I can. You can read it here or go to Quinn’s blog and read it there . . . I believe in giving choices.
Dirty Little Addictions
Yes, most of us have them and from time to time they get out of hand. I have one: I knew of it’s existence before partaking but eventually a personal introduction was made by a friend, well it was more like the way a new convert would be indoctrinated into a cult and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. At first it was harmless and I thought I had full control, no one, not even me, was being hurt. Now? I can’t quite say the same. The effect of this energy sapping, mind numbing (most addictions are), debilitating and dirty little addiction is that I am wasting my time, time I can never recover.
Because I have had a month off work and don’t need to clear my mind of rubbish by putting even more in its place (how pointless is that!) I am noticing how much precious time this compulsion robbing away from me.
I’ve tried to ration when I allow myself to indulge but to no avail. Do I need to go cold turkey? Is that even possible? Do I need to find myself a 12-step programme and work through it? I joke that I have oodles of willpower but next to no won’t-power. Not funny. I have to come up with a plan whereby I am accountable for what is wasted on this dirty little secret of mine.
Perhaps some kind soul would come and wave a big stick around, threaten, cajole, encourage by turns. That might be a fine plan but will hardly empower me to make my own decisions, live my own life. There’s only one thing for it . . . do it myself. I got myself into this mess and I know I have lots of company but small comfort that is!
I don’t need to tell you what it is; you might try and experience the initial thrill of it for yourself and so it’s better you remain ignorant. No, I need to ‘fess up to myself, put on my big girl knickers and get on with living! Remember, “Each day passes whether you participate or not,” Deng Min Dao, 365 Tao: Daily Meditations.