sailing . . . but where?

I love the vessel I’m sailing in, it’s sound, tested as sea worthy, and I’ve come to realise that I can land at any number of ports . . . thanks Quinn . . .  Quinn McDonald is a very astute life coach with a mind like a steel trap, ears that miss nothing and heart, lots of heart.

Spring is a time of change, particularly when it comes to wind direction here in New Zealand.  There’s not a lot of land out there to shelter us and the Roaring 40s are well named . . . we expect it but I have to tell you I am OVER IT!  I would like some nice settled weather to get out, walk the beach and think, I think better when I’m walking.  I used to think best when I was running and I had up to 64 kilometres/40 miles a week of thinking time!

I’ve thought so much about what I want to do, which direction I want to go, that my head hurts, and my good-sense-self says “if it hurts, stop doing it!”  So I will, I’ll stop the thinking and just do, do whatever I like, when I like and how I like.  Oh such luxury to be in this place . . .  but I am spoiled for choice. An apt expression, it’s that word spoiled, it brings to mind rotten meat or milk that has soured, eggs that have sat out for far too long, citrus fruit mouldering in the bowl . . . spoiled.

Yes indeed, a plethora of choices is not necessarily the easiest thing to manage.  It’s that whole, ‘to choose one thing is to shut out a lot of other things’ conundrum . . . a very black and white way of looking at it I know.  So like the Lord High Executioner, I have a little list,  sorry about the Mikado reference but it always echoes in my head when I say “I have a little list,” and I don’t even like most musicals!

Sometimes lists are great, you get a wonderful feeling crossing items off upon completion, keep you organised when times are stressful and they help sort out what’s important, especially when the items are arranged in the form of a PMI (Positive, Minus, and Interesting).  I wrote down everything I liked to do, as well as everything that needs to be done, on little bits of paper so it’s not technically a list I tell myself.  (How picky!)  I then shuffled around the bits of paper into the different PMI categories.  After that I put shuffled the items according to my level of enjoyment or lack thereof, and began to see that some of what I get the most satisfaction from work well together.  Of course there is no way to wrap everything into a neat package however a lot of things fit into bookbinding.

I looked at satisfaction level more than what I’m good at . . . I have learned that just because I can do something well doesn’t mean I have to.

Just some of what I like to do . . . before sorting.  The 'after' will be evident in what I produce.

Just some of what I like to do . . . before sorting. The ‘after’ will be clear in what I produce.

So there won’t be a change in what I do, just a slight shift in direction towards yet another destination.  I started small yesterday by refilling a notebook cover I made ages ago with stained sketch pad paper . . . I just felt like hoisting sail and going off in that direction.

A3 sketchpad paper, stained with blackcurrant and apple tea, salt crystals on the puddles, dried and repeated on the reverse.

A3 sketch pad paper, stained with blackcurrant and apple tea, salt crystals on the puddles, dried and repeated on the reverse.

And while I am allowing myself to be propelled by impulse for a time, there will come a point when I know I will need a goal, something big to work toward, because I know me, and I know the NBG (Next Big Goal) is not going to come while I’m thinking . . . I need to be doing.  Direction does not come in a BFO (Blinding Flash of the Obvious) as an adult any more than it does when you’re a young adult starting out in the world, you find your way through finding your way . . . somethings don’t change.

And the Christmas market? Not a raving success up on the school stage away from the throng. While a little disappointed I’ll try again, sell everything off, recoup my outlay, and then give away or donate what is left to charity.  And think again?  No, no more thinking.  As much as I enjoyed some aspects of the preparations, I don’t like the feeling of being on a production line so I shall make ‘one-offs,’ bespoke items, and then decide what to do with them.  Maybe take the odd request, but I shan’t use the word order, I don’t take orders at all well . . . it brings forth a strong rebellious streak.

On the positive side, my work was much admired at the market and I received many encouraging comments although one child was rather bemused that I had already painted the pages of the small notebooks . . . he thought they should definitely be white.

There’s just no pleasing some people.

Acrylic on sketch paper, recycled manila folders as covers.

Acrylic on sketch paper, recycled manila folders as covers.

And the winner of my giveaway? Using a random number selector Jo’s name came up!   Congratulations Jo, I’ll rustle up a box and have it ready to send as soon as I have your address.

Cheers everyone . . . kia kaha . . . stand strong!

13 thoughts on “sailing . . . but where?

  1. ahh.. however for me spoiled is spelled luxury, and yes shutting out some things May lead to mastery . which could equal joy. Cheers!!

  2. I still haven’t written in the booklet you made me, though I do flick through it and run my finger digits over it and think stuff – such as I am amassing lots of feathers and what shall I do with them ?

  3. Really thought provoking post. I love the fruit tea stained paper and wonder if it would work in fabric? As for lists, I am a big fan. This morning my head felt like a ball of wool a cat had been playing with! After a week on the road attending to business as my son put it, I needed my Sunday morning ritual that I have fallen into this Autumn. Using my diary I begin by listing everything I should do this week, that’s one side of the paper. On the other side comes the creative ideas for the week, including feeling, thinking, planning and execution. That way I get to choose what and when I do things during the week and don’t get overwhelmed by a multitude of stuff. Hope you have a good week.

    • Hi Cathy, thans for your comment. I can see from your blog that you get into all sorts of things too and perhaps like exploring new things too. And the tea might work but I’m not sure how colourfast it will be . . . I’ll try it on cotton today! I’m about to make a list of everything I need to do by the end of the year, t more to do with having things done by Christmas . . . although I’m not sure what I’m making everyone.

  4. Oh I so miss your ramblings you are so inspiring! Where do you get your energy? My mind says ‘do’ my body says ‘Nah’ and at times it’s vice versa. I will be non-ordering pencil cases for grandies and a journal or two. Keep on doing what you do in your incredibly non-thinking manner x

  5. I’ve often wondered about my tendency to indecisiveness. Your comment “… ‘to choose one thing is to shut out a lot of other things’ conundrum” has just enlightened me. Thank you for that.
    My first visit here (via SpiritCloth).

  6. Deep thinker and explorer of many directions. You have been doing some wonderful work both artistically and spiritually. My sister would say to you ( as she keeps reminding me because I am so much the same way) to listen what is within you. Go with your instincts and what feels good “right now”. If something is good, then starts to feel bad, change it. We all have our roles in life and we must be careful not to do what we think we should do because others are doing it. We are to find our own path. All that being said, it is really tough sometimes!!! Lol I love the stuff you are doing. I have never seen purses like the ones you have been creating. Lovely!

    • Thank you for the support Leah . . . when many decisions had to be made for pragmatic reasons and within quite rigid constraints it was much easier that pleasing myself . . . I have had to ask what does my Self need and want?

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