a BFO strikes again!

I was aware of an earlier BFO (a Blinding Flash of the Obvious) being brought to my attention once more – it was around a line in a meditation that went ‘each day passes whether you participate or not’, Deng Min-Dao, 365 Meditations.

Let me tell you, I think far too much.  Sometimes I write just to see where it will lead me and it helps to quiet everything down.  You see I’m an ideas person my mid is constantly in top gear and I like this about myself.  My ideas are often creative approaches to problem solving or for unusual projects – I have far more ideas than I can possibly carry out.  Or could I?  That’s the thing, that perhaps I could and just don’t because of why?  Because of fear?  Of what?  Of my own criticism?  That it won’t be perfect?  That because it may not be ‘useful’ it is of no use?  These questions plague me, they stymie me and stay me from action on all but the simplest of projects – the ones I know I can do immediately or in one sitting.  I need to break out and try something completely new.  Completely new.

I have an idea of how I would like my life to be.  There I am in my house, light, open, airy, spacious rooms suited to their purpose.  Not making do and wanting something better, it’s simple and well planned.  Sunshine, a garden with flowers and vegetables, trees for shade.  Or rain beating on the roof, the wind howling outside, a cosy fire and music.

And what am I doing in this environment?  I’m . . . I cannot quite see what I’m doing.  I think I’d like to be making, creating, painting, sewing . . . all for pleasure.  But there you go, I’m not certain what I want to be doing.  I know I’d be gardening, talking and eating with friends, relaxing and reading, but with hands busy making things in a workshop/studio that spills over into the rest of the house which sounds pretty much what happens now because the ‘studio’ is more of a large cupboard for storage.  But if I’m too scared to start doing what I think I’d like to be doing, and don’t really know what it is anyway what hope is there for me?  I don’t want to grow old with too many regrets and I’m afraid that if I don’t start now I will – but I do believe I have started by just confronting the issue.  One thing I do know is that I won’t be doing one thing – I’d get bored . . . I think.

Is that what those dreams are about, where I am using my last ounce of strength to save myself and knowing I should care more for myself so I’ll be stronger?  Where I know that I am entering last-chance territory?   You know the dreams, out there on the rocks, the tide is coming in, have to get back to shore.

To continue I need to look at what I have and think about William Glasser’s three Choice Theory/Reality Therapy questions.

1.  What do I want?
2. What am I doing to get it?
3. Is it working?

I need to make a plan – and I do not need to get everything done and dusted, completed, out of the way (of what you might ask), to make all perfect before I start because if I start all will be perfect, unpredictably perfect.  I need to not wait until I have a definitive answer to question 1.

All those photos that need to be sorted, that ephemera from my travels including the 110+ boarding passes, the family photos and family tree – they can be part of it.

I can work out what I cannot move on without doing (finish painting the laundry and bathroom for a start).  Do it and move on simultaneously – the rest can wait or go.  Moving on fearfully is better than staying stuck.  Oh, that’s a BFO!

Dream the I’m possible dream.   Trite but true.

a travelling journal

This morning I found out that I had won the opportunity to make an entry in a travelling journal.  Quinn McDonald over at QuinnCreative is celebrating 1,500 blog posts!  I’m in awe of that tally.  She posts daily, has great insight, provides on a variety of topics and creative endeavours, and what’s more, she responds to people who comment.  It’s one of the blogs I check in on daily.

So there’s Quinn, a model of consistency when it comes to her blog . . . and here’s me with my sporadic posts.   I bet she’s no less busy than me, in fact I bet the only difference is that she’s got different priorities and probably a tad better organised.

My priorities are fine, family and friends first and work after that – I guess I’m in there too somewhere but where?  I think I need myself up the list and make myself more visible!

Spring is definitely here which is a good time for new beginnings mmm?

And what have I been noticing?  This, I pass by this sign on a regular basis and had to stop and take a photo.

I can see nothing right with this sign.  It is on the end wall of a small grocery shop, the wall itself has been painted as if it belonged on a pre-school or crèche although I can’t see one near by.  There are big advertisements posted for grocery specials in the shop . . . and this!

The figures look happy and excited as they follow the arrows, but the sign points in the other direction!  Why?  A ‘Shop Open’ sign I can understand but ‘Baby Open’?  And no, I haven’t been playing with the photo.  What is it all about?

I guess it would be simple enough to go into the shop and ask if they know, but sometimes puzzlement is a delicious feeling to hold on to.  It makes me smile.

a pandemic

It’s a strain of influenza and I even know what type it is . . . Type O

The symptoms of this pandemic are dependent of where you live.  Here in New Zealand they are dry, scratchy eyes, particularly in the morning but increasing as the day progresses; an inexpicable longing to become nocturnal; in extreme cases, narcolepsy.  In Australia they might appear as an urge to rush home early from work, feelings of disappointment and extreme tiredness in the morning while in the USA, the compulsion to go to bed early and rise early will be difficult to resist and become more pronounced moving across the country from east to west.

Type-O flu has struck both of my grand-daughters particularly hard and they are now often be seen cavorting on the balustrade around the deck or having giggly conversations while upside-down.

Yes of course, it’s the London Olympics 2012, and with a 12-hour time difference, unless I stay up all night I have to content myself with replays although it is pretty cool to wake up and find that through the night, there have been 2 more gold medals and a bronze added to our tally!

So now we have 6 medals, we’re 2nd in the per capita rankings and we’ve done it all sitting down!    I almost forgot one sypmton common to all sufferers – an outpouring of national pride.

wonder

If this Theo Jansen TED talk doesn’t fill you with wonder . . . nothing will.   It has to be my absolute favourite – I must have viewed it about 4 or 5 times.

Here’s the TED.com blurb

Artist Theo Jansen demonstrates the amazingly lifelike kinetic sculptures he builds from plastic tubes and lemonade bottles. His creatures are designed to move — and even survive — on their own.

Theo Jansen is a Dutch artist who builds walking kinetic sculptures that he calls a new form of life. His “Strandbeests” walk the coastline of Holland, feeding on wind and fleeing from water.

We’d love to see a Strandbeest on my beach!

Enjoy!

are you brave enough to be vulnerable?

Some people have the courage to be vulnerable while for others, they have to be brought to their knees first.

Looking back at the road from Tibet down into Nepal. While it wasn't really on this crazy angle, it was road works all the way.

I put my hand out the window and took this photo over the cliff into the mist below. Sometimes you just have to put your hand out, or up, and you don't know what you're going to get. A metaphor for life?

At the Voodoo Cafe earlier this week, Ricë Freeman-Zachery interviewed Jill Berry.  During the interview, Jill had some words of wisdom about the value of allowing yourself to be vulnerable – you learn that way.

Also this week, friend posted this link to Brené Brown: The power of vulnerability on Facebook – sorry, I don’t have the facility on this free version of WordPress to embed a video.

If you have ever suffered from self doubt or that inner critic, I urge you to watch – it’s 20:20 minutes long, wise and witty.  When you’ve watched please come back and leave a comment – let me know what resonates with you.  There was a bit 12:50 in that shook me – as well as many other a-ha moments.

Love and courage.

procrastination

I thought my procrastinating was all done but it wasn’t – is it ever?

I thought to myself, it’s almost time for lunch so I’ll just wash the salt off the windows then eat so I won’t find myself starving at 3:00pm.  Living at the beach it gets to the point where you can hardly see out!   I am to be congratulated for cleaning them all on the inside as well – if someone even so much as looks sideways at them they’ll be given the white vinegar solution and some newspaper!

Lunch – go outside and pick a fresh acid-free tomato and some basil.  Can you go into the garden and not pull a few weeds?  Now the entire (albeit small) vegetable garden is weeded and I’m thinking about what to plant in the space left by the lettuces that had bolted.

Lunchtime – avocado, tomato and basil on toast – will an avocado tree grow here?   Research of whether an avocado can withstand salt winds is done and the answer is, probably not.  What will I plant?  Broad beans, carrots, beetroot and some lettuce seedlings.

The postie (mailman) went past while I was eating so I collected the mail, read my new contact for work but drew the line at filling in some forms.  The idea that I would be working full-time somehow that triggered the thought that I have some air-points about to expire so I rang Thai Airways in Auckland to find out where I can go – I need to top up 2,000 points and then I can go to a Pacific Island.

Checked emails after I looked up the number for Thai Airways – there was a reminder that Paul Phillips was about to go live on U Stream so I decided to watch and do some knitting. That way I wouldn’t feel guilty about not cutting some patches for the quilt.

No Paula for some reason so no knitting – I’m writing this instead!

It’s now almost 2:30 hours since the earlier post so I better pull finger and start cutting!

And that, my friends, is another reason this is called Late Start Studio!

nonsense sometimes explains it all

I just had to share this – it was passed on to me by a friend on Facebook so I hope I have given the credit to the right person.  It appears to be Brazilian Aeroplane.